Early this morning I had the weirdest dream...
I was a real Jedi, assigned alone to be peacekeeper on some backwater planet that resembled Earth, but of course it wasn't.
First, I had trouble with young people in a park, and one chick says, "Oooh, a Jedi Knight, I'm so scared," so I ignited my lightsaber in her face and handcuffed her... for some reason my lightsaber was yellow...
And I force choked her boyfriend when he gave me a hard time... I know, bad Jedi...
Then, since it was time to go home for the day, I waded through some mud, and went over a dam in a small boat in muddy water, and came out on the bottom in a streetcar, all clean and polished like I'd just stepped out of the Temple laundry...
I went into a building that looked like it belonged on a University campus, and I guess that's where I lived, since I spent a long time looking for the right staircase to go up... most of them had ceilings that were too short... (This is a recurring theme with me...My claustrophobia, perhaps?) And I was being followed by two tiny, robotic spiders that I thought were spying on me so I stepped on them.... I had good boots!
Then I went outside, and came across two senior citizens. I must have been the Wise Woman of the planet, because they stopped me for help. The cough medicine they had wasn't working and they didn't know what to do. I told them, "Of course it isn't working, it's 1000 Island dressing."
I went into another building to wait for the President of the Planet to show up, because I was supposed to give him a salute with my lightsaber. More stairs. I got on the right staircase and was ready to salute the President, who looked like the mayor on “Spin City”, but my lightsaber came out looking like a half burned out neon tube.
But, the president asked me to lunch, anyway. We had seafood (I blame the Red Lobster commercial I saw last night with the shrimp skewers) and he stole all the food off my plate and gave me a glass of wine instead.
As I was leaving the lunch, I saw Obi-Wan, and he asked me if I wanted a cheese omelet. I said "yes, and can you adjust my lightsaber while you're here?" (Trust me, this is NOT what I'd want from a visit from Obi-Wan).
The next thing I knew I must have been on Earth, because I was in Houston with Hansgirl3, looking for the Johnson Space Center and the train station. She took me through a huge, locked gate in a huge wooden fence, and said, "This should really be part of the United States."
I stepped inside, and saw the train tracks. And the Astrodome, and all its outlying buildings, and a huge roller coaster... except that everything was made of wood. Except for the sidewalk, which was date stamped "1965". I asked Hansgirl what year it was on this planet, and she said "twenty-two three twelve" and I said, "Oh wow, this is really old."
The next thing I knew I was in a classroom, and I was going to teach geography, so I took off my Jedi cloak, like I was going to do battle.... Tough crowd? And there was a big map of North America... no one had a laser pointer, so a guy in the class offers me a Hasbro spring-action lightsaber with a red blade to use... and I whip out my real lightsaber, which is working perfectly and is blue again, and cut his plastic blade in two.... LMAO
So then I go back to the map, which is sitting on a Coke cooler, and I reach into the cooler and get out a Classic Coke, which is crystal clear (I was very thirsty)... and proceed with the lesson by drinking the Coke and pointing with my finger. "This is Alaska," I said.
Now is that weird, or what?
PS: I forgot to say that the President of the Planet came to Earth with me and was flirting with all the ladies....
